Gr.
gr.
and grrrr.
alright.
my brain is mal functioning.
i need to be a little more organized then this.
my week end
i think is about to be demolishedd.
grrr.
i need boys.
in my lifee.
pronto.
GRRRRRR
i ruined my realationship with this kid.
now im trying to start a neww one.
but its not working.
im trying out for miss teen vermont.
that should go over great.
gahh.
why is everything sucking.
oh and btw.
my step dad will never move out.
seriously.
im thinking about moving out on my own.
but what the hell is a 14 year old gonna do on her own.
i think nothing.
grrrr/
its been about a month since i last cut myself.
im doing pretty good.
i might get sent to new jersey for the summer.
that should be a hoot.
my cat is now sitting on my dining room table.
its bothering me.
oh and one of the boys im supposed to chill with this weekend.
isnt responding.
perfectt.
well.
yeah.
but on the bright side schools over soon.
this week is are last full week of school.
=]
im soo happy.
summer should be good.
but my cousin might leave me.
=[
=[
=[
i like this kid tashi.
and i still like justin.
but idk who i like more.
i dont know which one likes me more.
i think its probaly.
i hate my life soo fucking bad.
i hate living in this damn house with my step dad.
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
GAHHH 
i should go.
bye.

Well.
i havent wroten in about a month.
idk ive lost my mind
well i walked on my parents doing ittt.
and i freaked.
i attempted to commit suicide 3 different ways and i just couldnt do itt.
maybe i didnt want to die really.
oh and im soo confused about boys right now i dont even wanna talk about them
all i have to say is im done worrying about boys.
oh and now im hanging out with the "populars"
the "in crowed"
or as called in my school
"them"
reallly to tell the truth.
i never would have pictured myself with "them"
i think its mostly b/c i do so much that wouldnt match it.
but they dont know all the things i do to my self 
or what i do period. 
they just know the girl they see at school.
the girl who plasters a smile on her face just to hid it all.
the girl who comes off out going.
the girl who comes off confedent.
the girl with the girly laugh.
the short sweet innocent girl.
i wonder if they knew my real self.
if they would still want me?
the girl who cuts her self.
the girl whos parents hate her.
the girl who crys all the time.
the girl who wil sit in front of the mirror just to cry to her reflection.
i think.
there is only one girl in this world who will accept me as i am.
one girl who knows the whole story.
and still wont judge me.
her name is abbby.
i love her soo much.
becides that.
im going to massetchucettes,
i dont know how to spell
i dont know whats gonna happen.
but im hugryy. s im gonna peace out
byeeeeee

Hey.
sorry its been about 4 days since ive posted.
but umm i guess i can tell u the main highlighs of what has happened to me these past days.
well uhh.
i started "chilling"
with a boy i definitly should not be "chilling" with.
then i promised my virginity to him.
would i be wrong if i said im scared?
well.
he told this girl.
and she open her mouth and told this other girl.
and we had to try our best to keep that girls mouth quiet.
i hope it does.
honestly.
if this whole thing gets out.
i could lose my best friend.
and my sisters trust.
and i dont know what i would do.
but i dont have real feeling for this guy.
he just makes me feel wanted.
and that helps expecaily be cause.
i have really bad self esteme issues=[
but w/e .
yeah.
and i should be going to the movies with justin<3 and chris next weekend.
i didnt go to the movies w/ abby yester day because beth had a birthday party.=/
but im going shopping with abby tomorrow.
my mom attepmted to kick my step dad out.
i doubt that will get ver far.
he never listens to my mother.
it pisses the fuck out of me.
i just juged a botle of cheap wine.
im a little wasted.
but im not that bad.
i need to find better ways to let out my feelings.
with out cutting or drinking.
i honestly dont drink that much tho.
but i do when im not in the mood to cut.
i love how no one knows anything about this.
but imposting it on a website where anyone can see it.
wow.
well i should go.

Lovess.
~ashley~

Ok soo today was another boring dayy.
i woke this morning thought mabye just mabye.
i could get through a morning with out being verbally 
abused.
somtimes i dont even know.
have u ever listened to somone u really love cry and u just want to kill your self.
well thanks to my step dad i had to listen to my sis cry. 
it hurts me.
even though i have made her cry but we r sisters.
and thats different.
i hate my step dad.
and honestly.
i have the hardest time thinking he loves me.
he even tried getting my mom to give me away.
but i knowww my mom loves me.
me and my sister are really the onlything in her whole life.
she cares about more then any thing.
and through all the hard and shit i go through i remeber that. 
and know i shouldnt be looking down.
people have it worst then me.
but any wayss.
i went school.
borrringggg.
then the teeen centerr.
thenn.im homee. 
i hate dan.(my step dad)
hes in the other room.
acting a idiot.
hes nothing but a jerky pot head.
he should go die.
Abby went home sick today=[
i cant wait till friday.
im hanging out w/ abby. alma. and jenna.
we are going to the movies.
i hope abby get better soon. 
i miss her.
shes my best friend.
abby<3







peace dudes.
byee.

Hmm. 
well today.
wass veryy boringg.
went to school.
went to a track thing.
talked to sum kids out side.
walked to abbys.
abby is verryy sick...actually she was verryy sickk.
she should be back to school tomorrow.
i hope i dont get sickk.,
but then i watch ANTM(americas next top model)
all night. 
then we ate dinner.
and her madre drove me homee.
i love abby. 
she is theeeee.
BEST.
school tomorrow=/
blahh

Ok so today, i went shopping and got sum newww shoes. 
then me my aunt my mom and muh grandma went to some stores to look at dresses for my aunts wedding. 
so yeahh to day was pretty dull.
im very boredd. 
but i gotta go cleann. 
sooo. yeahh i will write more tonighttt.






Peace dudes.